Selfhelp
by Daria234
Summary: Clark/Lex SLASH. Clark wants to use a relationship advice book to help them figure out if they can realistically try to be a family. Lex is uncooperative. Humor ficlet.


Written for comment_fic on livejournal

Prompt was C/L, normal healthy family

Clark glanced at the next page of The Relationship Handbook. "Now it says we should both write a paragraph on what we think a normal healthy family relationship should be, and then we trade papers so we can compare and discuss."

"First of all, Clark, it's very problematic, historically speaking, how psychologists have determined 'normalcy'"

"Lex, you said you would give it try. We really need this. And you don't trust therapists."

"Can you blame me? They always turn out to be evil. Or secretly working for evil."

"Yeah, unlike my boyfriends" Clark muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing. But you promised you would give the Handbook a try." Clark looked at Lex with his big, moist eyes.

"Geez, fine. Give me some paper."

The two men wrote, with Clark taking much longer to think about his answer.

"Okay," said Clark as he crisply folded his paper, "It says to use our answers to open a dialogue about what kind of relationship we should be working toward."

Lex smiled brightly at Clark as he handed over his piece of paper. Strange, thought Clark. He was expecting an eyeroll.

But Lex just read Clark's paragraph aloud, "Family is about love and commitment and honesty and trust. Sometimes, we don't act with enough trust or honesty, and sometimes our different ideas and values get in the way, but with enough love, a healthy family will find a way to work past it."

"Yeah, I know it's cheesy. And it must really frustrate you that I didn't quote Aristotle or anything."

Lex smiled. "Actually, I really like this. In fact, I think it's beautiful."

"Really?"

"Really. I think I'll frame it in fact."

"Oh, it's not that good."

"It is that good. And besides, you know perfectly well what I like to do with beautiful things - bind them up and keep them close to home," Lex replied with a wink.

Clark grinned. "Maybe later. Can I read yours now?"

"Go right ahead."

Clark opened Lex's piece of paper. "'In a normal, healthy family, it is-' ... Lex?"

"Yeah, Clark?"

"I don't think you took the assignment seriously."

"I'm hurt, Clark. That is very judgmental."

"Lex! All you did was say that in a normal, healthy family people do ..."

"Yes?"

"All the stuff we did last night."

"So?"

"Lex! You can't just write dirty stuff and think I'm going to ignore our very REAL relationship stuff. And I assure you, this is not a description of how to build a family."

"Sure it is. If you do stuff that you would normally find disgusting and offputting, and instead, because you love the person, you find it profound and wonderful, then that means you have a special bond."

Clark paused. "Is that what you meant? Because that actually is pretty sweet to day."

"Absolutely, Clark. And I am a VERY clean person, so if I don't even bother to wash my face afterward, it's definitely love."

"Lex!"

"I'm being totally serious."

"This is supposed to be about whether we can be a family someday!"

"Clark. Screw the stupid book. And screw normal. We are a family, you and me. Nobody else. Just you and me."

"And Chloe."

"No, Chloe is just a really good friend."

"And Oliver."

"No, Oliver is just an asshole we invite over sometimes because he's good in bed."

"And my Mom. She's family, too."

"Yes, okay, of course she's family."

"And my cousin."

"Yes! But my point is, OUR family -- what you and I have together -- it doesn't depend on anyone else's definition of normal or healthy."

"Like when people say it's not healthy to secretly try to surveill me?"

Lex frowned. "Sure, that's one example. Or, you know, when people say it's not normal to use advanced technology and violate my brain and promise child-me to help fight adult/evil-me. Because some people would say that isn't normal Clark."

Clark sighed. "Fine, point taken. But you have to rewrite your paragraph."

"Like I said, Clark, nothing wrong with my definition."

Clark grinned. "It's supposed to be about our future, Lex, and you wrote about what we did yesterday. You should at the very least write me a paragraph about what you'd like to do to me tonight."

Lex smiled. "All right. But you might want to find me another pen. I just might run out of ink on this one." 


End file.
